so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
