I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
