How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
