You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
