Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize