well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
