Slut skills are useful in every country.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
