Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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