how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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