life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
