i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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