Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
