thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
