call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
