He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize