You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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