Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
