Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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