Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
