Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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