when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
So here I am, sexting at work.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
