She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize