I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
