So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
