I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
