The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
