I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
