I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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