Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
