here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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