at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
