i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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