You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
