We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
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