she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
They took my balls.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize