another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
