I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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