Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
