I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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