I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
