I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just found puke in my bra..
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
