Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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