i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
