You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
