i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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