oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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