Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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