Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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