She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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