im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
