She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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