I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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