and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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