Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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