ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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