I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
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