Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
