I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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