you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
