I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
