I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
