He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
