Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
