you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
