Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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