Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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