so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
