____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
