I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize