I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
