Having a random hookup so left but love u
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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