its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
