Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
