He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
