im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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