Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
