I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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