to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
