whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
