she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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