it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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