I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
