So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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