watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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