Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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