I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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