Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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