we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
