THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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