So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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