i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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