i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
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