Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
