Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
