She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
