Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
