I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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