You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
