marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
