Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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