he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
