the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
