I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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