life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
