You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
